The Family Disease
The Devastating Impact of Addiction on Families
Addiction is a complex and challenging disease that profoundly affects not only the individual struggling with it but also their entire family. Those closest to an individual dealing with alcoholism or drug addiction often take on specific roles within the family dynamic, which can significantly influence the development of addiction. Therefore, these individuals will have a significant impact on the success of the addiction treatment process.
Every year, many individuals in aviation and their families are affected by addiction or substance use disorders. This can happen to anyone, in any family, anywhere. It can be challenging to care for, live with, or love a person with an addictive disease. Learning about addiction, treatment, and recovery can help you better relate to and support your loved ones on their path to recovery. Understanding addiction as a complex disease and recognizing the impact it has on both the individual and their family is crucial for effective treatment and support to get back in the cockpit.
Family Disease
Addiction affects the relationships of the addicted, none more so than the family. The psychological, emotional, spiritual, and mental changes in the addict are profound. They can become nothing like the person the family once knew. There are many ways the family may also have been affected by the disease of addiction whether it was a slow or quick progression. It impacts every aspect of their lives and leaves a lasting impact on everyone involved. It may seem strange to call addiction a family disease, after all, the addict is the one who is sick, right? While this is true, many of the symptoms of addiction manifest themselves in the behavior of the addict, thus directly affecting those around them as they react to this behavior, often blaming themselves for the behaviors or feeling hurt by them.
Codependency
Codependency is a term that is often associated with relationships where one person relies heavily on the other for emotional support, validation, and a sense of identity. When we talk about being a pilot spouse/partner, the challenges and dynamics of such a relationship can further exacerbate issues related to codependency. Codependent relationships are characterized by an unhealthy reliance on each other for approval and a sense of self-worth. In such relationships, boundaries are often blurred, and individuals may prioritize the needs of their partner over their own. Signs of codependency include low self-esteem, people-pleasing tendencies, fear of abandonment, and difficulty in setting boundaries. Being a pilot spouse/partner comes with its own set of unique challenges.
Stigma
As pilots receive treatment and follow the HIMS program, their families may feel isolated due to the stigma associated with addiction. However, the Aviation Family Network stands as a crucial resource, offering understanding, empathy, and practical guidance to these families as they navigate the complexities of supporting their loved ones through the recovery process. Ultimately, addressing the cultural stigma surrounding mental health and substance abuse within the aviation industry, while also providing comprehensive support and resources, will be crucial in contributing to a more compassionate and recovery-oriented environment for pilots and their loved ones.
Message to the Families on the Ground Crew
To the families and loved ones of our aviators:
You serve as the foundational support system and unwavering home base upon which every pilot depends. Your unique perspective—seeing the individual beyond the uniform—makes you integral to their well-being, resilience, and safety.
It is important to recognize that challenges related to alcohol are often mischaracterized as personal shortcomings or lack of discipline. In reality, difficulty with alcohol is a medical issue, not a reflection of character. It can affect anyone—regardless of strength, accomplishment, or integrity. The person you know remains the same capable, compassionate individual; they may be managing a health condition that deserves empathy and informed support.
This condition can develop progressively. For some, what begins as social drinking evolves into a pattern of compulsive use, impacting both personal and professional life.
Given your close relationship, you may be the first to observe early signs that someone could benefit from support. These indicators often manifest during off-duty hours and may include:
What Families Might Observe:
· Is their first priority after a trip to start drinking, perhaps even on the way home?
· Do they pack alcohol in their luggage to ensure they have their own supply?
· Have you noticed them using mouthwash, breath sprays, or cough medicine excessively?
· Do they seem focused on timing their drinking to the last possible minute before their mandatory “dry” period before a flight?
· Have they ever consumed alcohol after the cutoff time, knowing they were too close to their duty window?
· Have you found mini bottles or alcohol taken from the airplane?
· Have they become more argumentative or had more friction in their relationships?
· Do they seem confused about or deny events they were part of, as described by others?
· Have they begun oversleeping or struggling with punctuality, especially after an evening out?
· Do they seem overly anxious about their breath or smell, chewing gum or using mints constantly?
· Has anyone—a colleague, friend, or family member—commented on smelling alcohol on them when they shouldn’t? anyone—a colleague, friend, or family member—commented on smelling alcohol on them when they shouldn’t?
· Do they often drink by themselves or exclusively seek out friends who prioritize drinking?
· Do they make excuses to leave social events early or go out alone to drink?
· Have they started having performance or reliability issues at work?
· Are they combining alcohol with prescription medications, ignoring safety warnings?
· Have they talked about transferring to a new base or job to avoid current colleagues or supervisors?
Noticing these patterns can be worrying. Your role isn’t to diagnose, but to offer a compassionate and observant perspective. Your support can be the catalyst that encourages them to seek help through professional channels, employee assistance programs, or peer support networks. Addressing this is an act of care—for them, for your family, and for the countless individuals who rely on their focus and professionalism in the skies. You are their most important ally.
Where to Turn for Help and Information
If you are concerned, these resources can provide guidance, support, and next steps:
Employee Assistance Program (EAP): A confidential, free service offered by most airlines. They can provide assessments, short-term counseling, and referrals to treatment specialists. Contact information is typically found on the company’s internal website or HR materials.
Union Peer Support/Pilot Assistance Networks: Most pilot unions have dedicated, confidential support networks run by fellow aviators who are trained to help. They understand the unique pressures of the career.
- Examples: ALPA Pilot Assistance Network, APA Allied Pilots Foundation, SWAPA Pilots Helping Pilots.
HIMS Program: An occupational substance abuse treatment program dedicated to helping all pilots return to the cockpits.
- Website: www.HIMSprogram.org
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline:A free, confidential, 24/7 treatment referral and information service.
- Call: 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
- Website: www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA): Provides comprehensive information on alcohol use disorder, treatment options, and tips for talking to a loved one.
- Website: www.niaaa.nih.gov
Birds of a Feather : Birds of a Feather International is a worldwide network of meetings based on the program of Alcoholics Anonymous*. It was established for pilots and cockpit crewmembers active or inactive in private, commercial or military aviation.
- Website: www.boaf.org (Find local meetings)
BOAF Al-Anon Family Meeting: A support network specifically for the aviation families and friends of people with alcohol concerns. It can provide immense support and coping strategies.
- Website: www.boafalanon.org
Your compassionate support is their most important ally in seeking the help they need.
